In another life, Miss Tammy Faye Starlite was a nice Jewish girl from New York named Tammy Lang. She was a member of the cast of the soap opera "The Guiding Light." Then she appeared on Howard Stern’s radio show to promote a play in which she was starring, "Coed Prison Sluts: The Musical." Like many of Howard’s guests, she was persuaded to remove her clothes. Howard nodded approvingly. Meanwhile, the Republican "revolution" was fraying her sensitive nerves. Our heroine decided to take action. Adios, Tammy Lang! Good morning, Miss Tammy Faye Starlite!

Country-western upstart Deana Carter had recently recorded "Did I Shave My Legs For This?" Country-western harlot Tammy Faye figured there was no sense in beating around the bush and so she cut her own, decidedly more outré rendition, "Did I Shave My Vagina For This?"

"It’s just a personal experience woman’s lament," Miss Tammy Faye explains. "It’s true. It’s a sad thing when a man comes home and he’s been drinking and you think, ‘Holy Cow! I could’ve been doing a crossword puzzle instead of going down there with the Daisy razor!’"

Of course, every aspiring country-western star must head to Nashville and Tammy Faye dutifully made the pilgrimage–twice: "I was dressed in this long white gown and I had real white make-up and black lipstick and people liked it. We were in the halls of the Opryland Hotel and they were like, ‘Play that Uterus song ("God Has Lodged A Tenant In My Uterus") again!’

"Then I went back down there and played at Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge and I have this version of ‘Stand By Your Man’ which offends some people because it’s about being gang-raped and being happy about it. The woman from Tootsie’s said to my husband, who was hosting the show, ‘You tell her she can’t do that in here because Tootsie’s is a family place.’ Then we did a song we just recorded called ‘Ride the Cotton Pony,’ which is about going down on someone when they have their period and they shut us down."

Now that Tammy Faye has conquered Nashville, her next target is New Orleans, where she will perform with her band, the Angels of Mercy, at the Circle Bar on June 24 and, on a double bill with the equally outrageous O.L.D., at the Mermaid Lounge on June 26. Tammy Faye’s band includes Mark Spencer and Ken Coomer, whose regular gig is with Wilco. "My previous band kinda imploded," Tammy Faye ponders. "Now I have people who I didn’t sleep with–they’re sweethearts."

Tammy Faye’s talent is, more or less, an inherited trait: "I grew up in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, in my double-wide trailer with my daddy who taught me all about music and taught me how to play the recorder–his recorder–and we’d sing harmony together and he’d kneel by my bedside and give me butterfly kisses every night. It’s a natural thing–like I like to say, I have my Heavenly Father inside me and my biological father inside me, too. Amen–it’s all family. You just have to see it as a blessing–he’s just learning you for when you have to marry your brother. It’s just education.

"There’s something about the forbidden that’s always alluring. It’s like getting so deep down in the dirt–it’s like the essence of our underside. It’s like Ira Louvin one day strangling his wife with a telephone cord and the next day going to church. You have two sides and they’re both beautiful."

Among the local sites Tammy Faye is looking forward to seeing are the statue of Robert E. Lee (which faces north, directly across the street from the Circle Bar) and, in the flesh, David Duke: "Tell my fans that I just can’t wait to taste that sweet old jambalaya and cover myself in it and rub myself up against that Robert E. Lee statue and I can’t wait to meet David Duke and I hope we can all unite in Southern unity and harmony and we’ll let our rebel flags fly and feel free to take our clothes off. I don’t know how people can be against the rebel flag when it’s on top of the Dukes of Hazzard car. We all love Daisy Duke! Take off your clothes and get down on your knees, which is Jesus’ favorite position." Reverting back to Tammy Lang for a moment, she concludes: "People don’t always get that it’s just a joke."

Famous

The Louisiana Hall of Fame, founded by Lou Gabun, recently inducted a slew of musicians and music-businessmen at the Heymann Performing Arts Center in Lafayette. The inductees included Bobby Blanque, Larry Broussard, Jay Chevalier, Skip Easterling, John Dubois, the Esquires, Lee James (also known as "Leonard James"), Al Johnson, Lee Martin, Jerry McGee, Leon Medica, Bobby Mitchell, Raful Neal, T-John Reyes, Johnny Rivers, Tabby Thomas, Lee Wright, Li’l Alfred, Van Broussard, Dale & Grace, Joe Douglas, T.K. Hulin, Merle Kilgore, Claude King, Jean Knight, the Hackberry Ramblers and Jim Russell, who hired me to work in his record shop when I was a teenager and ended up being my greatest mentor, especially in the realm of obscure New Orleans musical facts.

Russell’s commendation read thusly: "After being discharged from the United States Air Force, Jim Russell became a deejay, music promoter and manager. After studying radio and television broadcasting, he wroked for a radio station in Canton, Ohio. Jim then became co-manager of the Alan Freed TV show in New York. In 1955, he moved to New Orleans and WTIX, where he worked for Bill Bennett. With the help of ten other deejays, he formed a team that produced up to 50 dances and shows weekly. Jim helped train New Orleans singers in their efforts to become national celebrities."

Among the performers "trained" by Russell were Professor Longhair and Smiley Lewis. When Russell staged his concerts during the 1950s, they were often held at various Catholic school gyms and the parish priests didn’t like the idea of rowdy teenagers stomping on the polished wooden floors. So Russell, ever the innovator, instructed the kids to remove their shoes and the "sock hop" was invented. This was more or less around the same time that Russell picked up Elvis Presley hitchhiking on Canal Boulevard. Russell lent the future King ten bucks and he’s still waiting to get it back.

Fun, Fun, Fun

Although musicians are constantly besieging our office with requests to hype their gigs, it is extremely rare that a musician pushes us to plug somebody else’s performance. Such was the case when Derek Huston (of the Iguanas) arrived to inform us of guitarist Bill Kirchen’s booking on June 13 at Mid-City Lanes, where he will twist strings with his backing combo, Too Much Fun. Kirchen, a founding member of Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen, garnered Huston’ highest praises: "His repertoire includes everything from country-swing to rockabilly, original rock ‘n’ roll and that great oft-forgotten genre of American truck driving music. It’s for sure that those who attend won’t be sorry."