Miss Pussycat, also known as Panacea Theriot, is the wife of Drum Buddy inventor Quintron and, on maracas, his frequent accompanist. She is also renowned throughout the Ninth Ward and most of the rest of the planet as a puppeteer.

When she asked me (or at least my voice) to perform in her latest holiday puppet extravaganza, “North Pole Nutrias,” I was supremely honored—especially considering my fellow participants. Sheriff Harry Lee is cast as the Virus, seafood/record magnate Al Scramuzza is Santa Claus, WWOZ deejay Louise Wehner is a telemarketer, the Circle Bar’s Kelly Keller is Tiger, El Matador proprietor Rio Hackford is Mr. Fiddle, semi-hip columnist Chris Rose is Sparkie the Dog, Miss Pussycat is Treasure the Nutria and I am Dusty the Nutria. “North Pole Nutrias” will be presented at El Matador lounge on December 9 and at the UCM Museum in Abita Springs on December 15.

At her Ninth Ward studio, amidst her puppet creations and paintings of seductive, cuddly little animals, Miss Pussycat consented to answer seven questions—no more, no less.

What is the basic plot of “North Pole Nutrias”?
There’s two nutrias from New Orleans—Dusty and Treasure—and they win a vacation package to the North Pole. Santa’s asked different people to come there to help him with some problem-solving because a Virus has come to the North Pole and it’s started eating the toys. It’s disrupting the flow of things because Christmas is only a few days away.

Dusty and Treasure decide to go. There’s all these perks—they get to stay at a really nice ice cave hotel with a huge heated swimming pool and they get tickets to any show at the North Pole. There’s lots and lots of shows at the North Pole. Dusty and Treasure go and they solve the problem. Basically, they save the world with Hubig’s Pies and Drum Buddies. They decide that, “Well, if all the toys are destroyed, then we’ll just give all the kids musical instruments—we’ll give them Drum Buddies.” Quintron is one of the acts at the show they go to at the North Pole. They bring all these Hubig’s Pies with them because they don’t know about the food at the North Pole. At the end of this whole drama, the Virus comes into the workshop and he’s like “Give me something to eat! I’m starving to death and there’s no toys because all you’ve been doing is making Drum Buddies and I don’t eat musical instruments—I eat toys! And if you don’t give me something, I’m going to eat the reindeer!” So Treasure has all these Hubig’s Pies and she’s like “Here, why don’t you try this?” And she gives the Virus a Hubig’s Pie and it kills him. Then everyone lives happily ever after.

What is your favorite Hubig’s Pie flavor?
Actually, I’ve never had a Hubig’s Pie. I plan to have a Hubig’s Pie when I finish this production—with champagne and everything.

Is there a Christmas gift that you always wanted that you never received?
No, I always got what I wanted.

What was your favorite Christmas experience in New Orleans?
Christmas here is really fun. A few years ago, we had a nice Christmas tree–it was decorated and white–and about a week before Christmas, we had a show at the Spellcaster Lodge that was really, really great. Miss Dora, who used to have Dora’s Supermarket—she’s Colombian—where she’s from people stay up all night on Christmas Eve and go visit their neighbors and sing and dance and party. So that’s what was going on—a lot of our neighbors who are Colombian or Cuban were coming over and dancing and playing “Felice Navidad.” I just stayed up all night long. It was super-dooper fun.

Do you have a favorite Christmas cocktail?
Ooh—egg nog.

A favorite Christmas record?
My favorite Christmas record is a mixed tape that Mr. Quintron made for me last year for Christmas. My favorite song on there is ‘The Animals’ Christmas’—it has animals singing.

Finally, where did you learn to play the maracas?
On tour. Mr. Quintron just got me some and I had to start playing. There’s lots of secrets to playing them—mostly just to have fun. I was in the junior high and high school marching bands playing tuba and the maracas are a whole lot easier to play. Some day, I want to do a solo maracas album.

ALL THAT (FRENCH) FUNK

Shortly before DJ Davis Rogan, leader of All That, embarked upon a live recording of the band at the Mermaid Lounge in late November, he dropped by OffBeat world headquarters and confessed, “I should have never gone to a college preparatory high school, I should have never gone to college, because it taught me that you just stay up the night before a project is due and finish it. It’s always pulled together at the last minute and it’s sort of brilliant in its half-assedness.” This latest disc, as Davis sees it, “is like a fundraiser. Your donation [at the door] of $10 helps buy me studio time. Then I’ll make the big studio album where I’ll have foie gras and Armangnac and the $300-an-hour studio where I’ll sit around twiddling my thumbs and being creative.”

The players on this latest All That project, to be released in time for Mardi Gras, include drummers Kevin O’Day and Chris Davis (“he has a telephone, a car and no seriously bad habits”), sousaphonists Matt Perrine and Kirk Joseph, guitarists Hiro Mano (“another Japanese guitarist—he smokes!”) and Alex McMurray, saxophonist Rebecca Barry and trumpeter Scott Frock, as well as another trumpeter Davis met at a recent secondline but can’t remember his name and a trombonist whose phone was off the hook when Davis tried to reach him so his participation was somewhat iffy.

Davis spent the past summer in France, where he was scheduled to perform with a New Orleans brass band. The brass band—we won’t name names—stranded Davis in Paris and took off for Croatia. Davis was then adopted by Ceux Qui Marchent Debout (French for “Those Who Walk Upright”), a band Davis describes as the French version of All That. Best of all, the band owns its own bar, which meant that Davis would not die fo thirst. Davis also reports that there’s a French version of Egg Yolk Jubilee, known as Les Fils de Teuhpu. “The brass band funk is alive and well in France,” Davis says. “What I’m hoping to do is bring All That, Egg Yolk Jubilee and the Nightcrawlers over to France. That’s 27 seats on an airplane and we’d need to fill another 63 with local people who felt like going. This way, we’d all be safe, there’d be no box-cutters and it’s be a smoking flight, if you know what I mean.”

THE VIRGIN MERRY

Waiting to get my hair cut, I read an interview with Britney Spears (“The Pride of Louisiana,” as is proclaimed on Pepsi billboards all over the state). I’ve never had any objections to anything Britney does. If dressing like a slut helps sell albums, do it. Marlene Dietrich employed this technique, as did the Shangri-Las, Tina Turner and Madonna. What shocked me when I read Brit’s interview was the proclamation of her virginity. Doesn’t it seem a bit goofy, a bit disingenuous, to brag about “saving” your virginity while dressing like Frederick of Hollywood’s worst wet-dream? At least Madonna only said she was “like” a virgin.