Work continues apace on the long-awaited, and as-yet-untitled, Rod Bernard album on CSP Records. At press time, Bernard and his star-studded band have completed all 18 tracks and are busily mixing at La Louisiane studios. What stars, you ask? Bobby Charles, Eddie Raven, Rufus Thibodeaux, Warren Storm, and Dale Houston, those kinds of stars.

“I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am about the entire project!” wrote Bernard in a recent letter-to-the-media. “And talk about variety! Sounds include Rock ‘n Roll, Blues, Swamp Pop, Country, Zydeco, & Cajun.” (Bernard must be saving the jazz, disco, heavy metal, polka, and Tuvan throat singing for the follow-up.)

Proof that all concerned are taking this album seriously: in January, CSP Records sent a can of Bootsie’s Louisiana Spice (“The authentic all-purpose seasoning, Mild enough for table use!”) to the Acadiana press. “Think this is hot?” read a label plastered on the back of the jar. “Wait Till You Hear the new Rod Bernard CD Coming to you in Early ’99!”

Seriously, such a gimmick certainly beats the B&W photo accompanied with a self-glorifying, semi-grammatical, typo-riddled bio that usually passes for a promo kit. And those inclined to devour all 56-and-a-half teaspoons of the spice in one sitting will be especially glad to know that the entire can contains exactly zero calories.

In addition to fine-tuning the Bernard album, CSP has obtained the rights to and released Wayne Foret’s 1997 swamp-pop collection, Rockin’ 50’s: Through the Years. The smooth-voiced Foret, who performs mainly in the New Orleans area, was recently awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award by the South Louisiana Music Association, and, judging from the disc, likes his swamp-pop peppered with horns (especially saxes). From start to finish, the 12-track CD is tasteful as a malt-shop sundae and chock full of favorites (“I Won’t Cry,” “Ready, Willing and Able,” “Caldonia,” “Have You Ever Had the Blues”).

When the new David Wilcox album Underneath (Vanguard) first showed up on Billboard’s new-release web page a couple of months ago, Sonny Landreth was one of the many famous musicians listed as contributing a lick or two. The personnel as listed for the album on the Tower Records website, however, makes no mention of the justly celebrated guitarist. An oversight, or proof a sinister, Y2K-related conspiracy to keep Louisiana musicians from getting their due?

Local club news: The world-famous Washington (LA) zydeco nightspot Slim’s Y-Ki-Ki is preparing to celebrate its 40th anniversary, that makes Slim’s exactly 12 years younger than Cher. Many happy returns.

More local club news: Lafayette’s Grant Street Dancehall, having recently undergone an ownership change, is featuring more Cajun acts, zydeco acts, and local acts than it has in some time. In March alone, the club hosted Tab Benoit, a French Immersion benefit featuring Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys, and Balfa Toujours. Its April calendar includes Geno Delafose and French Rockin’ Boogie (April 2) and, in a return engagement, Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys (April 24). Folks wishing to stay abreast of Grant Street bookings should give its 318-237-2255 concert line a ring every now and then.

Even more local club news: “For Sale” signs have recently appeared on the ranch-style architecture of Tiffani’s, the Opelousas roadhouse notorious for bringing ladies’ oil wrestling to the land of cockfights. Too bad. Despite its low-overhead demeanor, the club was still managing to snag the occasional name act, that is, if John Conlee and Loverboy are still name acts. It also hosted River Road more times than you could shake a deal with Capitol Records at, and it had just begun hosting the River Babys, about whom more will appear in a minute.

But first, local stadium news: packin’ ’em in at the Cajundome on St. Paddy’s day was the lovable leprechaun himself, Elton John, with Aerosmith following close behind. On deck for April: N’Sync (the most popular group in the world at the moment) and dc Talk (the most Christian group on Virgin Records).

Now, about the River Babys. A few columns back “Bayou Beat” broke a long-standing rule of its own devising and reviewed their eponymous debut. What rule, you ask? Never Review a Local Act unless it’s so good that nothing short of hosannas will do. You see, some local bands view the local press as unpaid publicists and therefore feel shafted if that press says anything to spoil the pile of clips they’re getting together to send to major labels.

This attitude is understandable but mistaken. To the extent that local hacks have consciences capable of keeping them up at night, telling lies to further a local band’s career isn’t much fun and sounds really stupid in the confessional besides: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned; I led the readers of my column to believe that the new River Babys album is really good when, in fact, it’s only O.K.”

Here’s why “Bayou Beat” broke its own rule. (I’m belaboring this story because there are lessons in here for all of us.) It broke its own rule because Michael Juan Nunez, the head River Baby, accompanied the review copy of his group’s CD with a handwritten note that read, “We are a local band just releasing our CD We would like you consider reviewing our CD if you get a chance.”

Now the note made Nunez sound like a nice, thoughtful guy who knew that he wasn’t Eric Clapton but who also knew that he had something going for him and might someday really go places. In short, he sounded like the kind of guy who wouldn’t mind having his group’s debut CD described as simply O.K. as opposed to “Layla-esque.”

It turns out Nunez minded.

His fans minded too.

Some of them assumed, for instance, that the reference to the group as more “garage band” than “power trio” was a put-down. Actually, the opposite is true, as owners of Rhino’s Nuggets box can confirm, garage bands are preferable to power trios nine times out of 10.

The review took exception to a line in the song “Me and My Guitar” and attributed the line to Nunez. Turns out that Leon Russell, not Nunez, wrote the song, and that anyone would’ve known as much if he’d only squinted harder at the fine print.

“Research your articles prior to them being written,” wrote Nunez in a letter to this column that did not begin with “Dear.” “I am sure you would not want people to question your journalistic integrity now would you?”

What can we learn from this fiasco? First, local bands who can’t bear the idea that someone may find them less than god-like should not distribute review copies of their discs. Second, writers who are foolish enough to review local band albums that are anything less than god-like deserve all the rantings they get. Third, there’s no connection between a writer’s failing to read an album’s songwriter credits and his knowing a bad lyric when he hears one. Having said that, I would like to point out that the new albums by the Lafayette acts Jivin’ Sister Fanny (Half Moon Half Blues) and Walter Jr. (Louisiana Soul) are really quite good. Honest.

(And with that tirade, Arsenio Orteza says a fond farewell to the pages of OffBeat. He returns once again to the quiet life of teaching and writing and searching for some other poor, struggling artist to editorially gore.)